if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I understand Curling. That high.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
