I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
