last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
