One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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