I heard we made out
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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