try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
this is an emotional support booty call
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
