Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
