oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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