Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i drank out of a bidet.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
