I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
