so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Life is so much better after having sex.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
