Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
