we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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