just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
