how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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