I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
