Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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