I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
