JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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