Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
