I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
