I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
