can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
