I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
