I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
