no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
