oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
