the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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