Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She's not a foreskin expert like you
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
