Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
