so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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