Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
