I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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