is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
