Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
