theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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