I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
