She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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