He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
