Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
