Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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