Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
