If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
