If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
