So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
