dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
