drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
