So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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