Don't make out with my wife yet
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
