Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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