im drinking this country out of the recession.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
