i jhust puked up my retainher.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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