im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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