There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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