Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
