My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
