i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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