you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
